Grace vs. grace

i found my first white hair today. boo for getting old/being stressed
also, my mom bought me skull candies todayyy!! woop! they are great.

anyways, there’s this blog ive been keeping up with and the author of it is doing this series of blogs called, “confessions of a prodigal pharisee.” im gonna steal this concept because i find the idea of a “prodigal pharisee” so relevant to my life, since I am the extreme of both a pharisee and a prodigal son. i think itll help me to organize my thoughts this way too.

here is what prodigal pharisee means (quoted from Fabs):

• Prodigal/Younger Brother: These are terms used to refer to the parts of my character that identify with the younger brother in the parable of the prodigal sons.  This is the rebellious, pleasure-seeking part of me.
• Pharisee/Older Brother: These are terms used to refer to the parts of my character that identify with the older brother in the parable of the prodigal sons. This includes the tendency to be self-righteous believe that I am acceptable to God because I obey.

okay, so here we go!

Confession #1.
I sometimes give myself too much credit, but i often do not give myself enough grace.

There are days where i’ll go to bed knowing that I wasn’t my “best,” or living in the Spirit. And in these times, I find myself frustrated with…well, myself, haha. I get frustrated, like Paul, with my flesh, and how innately sinful and wicked I am. I do not wish to think these thoughts, commit these acts of selfishness, to not act upon what is good…but I just do it. My flesh is freaking messed up. broken, depraved, hopeless, filthy… haha, but yeah, whenever i feel like this, i am tempted to crawl up into myself and shut out everything. That is why for some of you who know me well, know of my random MIA moments. I guess my fear of spiritual/emotional/relational failure drives me to this state where i just don’t do anything. I lay prostrate in the mud that I’ve fallen into, taking in the lies, drowning in my depravity. pretty emo, i know haha

but every time, God is compassionate and reminds me of the victory in the ever so sufficient cross.
Yesterday, my friend reminded me of this need to take hold of grace. I believe her exact words were, “Dude, why are you so uptight?” lol
Yes, logically, I do deserve death. i am indeed a fallen man, and i certainly canNOT receive merit or value on my own. But there is something i do possess, and that is Christ. I am no longer bound by the law that I cannot keep, but am redeemed and rescued by the One who came to fulfill it. No matter how many times or ways I screw up, I am loved. And it is not selfish for me to receive this love. In fact, it brings the Giver great joy when I receive it, and take ownership of it. and THIS is what serves as the catalyst towards righteousness and sanctification. It is not just the knowledge of the law that compels us to live for Christ, but it is in being captivated and resting in the grace of a lovesick Savior.

….
not I, but You Lord.

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

ephesians 2:1-10

Advertisement